IWF (feat. Miss Eaves, Lex, E​-​Turn, and Starr Busby)

from Net Split or, the Fathomless Heartbreak of Online Itself by MC Frontalot



Featuring Miss Eaves, Lex the Lexicon Artist, E-Turn, and Starr Busby!

IWF stands for Internetting While Female.

I heard once that being female-identified online can be somewhat of a hassle! I can't remember who told me that. Maybe it wasn't important.


I'm a neckbeard when I don’t shave my neck
and you might even catch me vaping in fedoras. Next,
you females expect me to let you on my internets.
Look at me, I'm chivalrous. Step up, lose your innocence.
Get abused into bitterness and log off.
Think I’m getting piggy? Well, you’re swilling from the wrong trough.
Think I’ve gone soft? My masculinity towers!
I can sit and type shit like this for hours
without a hint of introspection or fatigue.
You can make a sandwich for me, otherwise breed
and incubate my seed. These are your two mainstays.
Suck it up, you’re internetting while having vajayjays.
(And that was your decision,
to show up with those)

Why are you internetting
While you’re female?
Why are you on the line at all

[Starr Busby]
Boy, you’d better get yourself together
It ain’t 2007
Your back is up against the wall

[Miss Eaves]
Oh shit, tripped over a dick pic
as I'm skipping through the triple dubs.
Every dude wanna show his little nub
and call me fat and ugly? What the fuck?
Um? I’m just trying to live.
A femme with opinions: they’re threatened
so they threaten. These mediocre men!
They’re in my biz, always trolling.
And… I’m stuck in a spiderweb
‘cause I dared to crawl through the internet.
[“Show us your tits”] I’m not impressed,
and I got a bit I want off my chest.
And yes, I don’t exist
for your erection ‘cause all of you is a dick.
Drunk on male tears, don’t fuck with me.
Throwing bows, fucking up the patriarchy.

Why are you internetting
While you’re female?
Why are you on the line at all?

[Starr Busby]
Boy, you’re always creeping in my comments
Uninvited, anonymous
Going to get you uninstalled

[Lex the Lexicon Artist]
Once upon a time in 2009
I opened up Premiere Pro, took a couple of lines
from the Scout in TF2 and matched them up to a beat.
I go to sleep and wake up to a thousand subscribers… Sweet.
From there it only escalated and I amassed
a vast army of edgelords as fans of my craft.
And they all thought I was a man ‘cause “there’s no women on the internet,”
a classic adage started for laughs that led to ignorance.
I made more tracks for mic spammers to use
and YouTube Poops that hit a few million views.
But when I chose to show my true colors, I knew I would lose.
Some fans turned their backs upon me in a whirlwind of sexist abuse.
Yet all those videos remain on the tubes,
and I have superfans who badger me to make something new.
Maybe I’ll do it for the cool people. Maybe. Perhaps.
But if you want some more Enigma, maybe you could listen to me rap.

Hey Chad, your ignorance is blatant.
You got a complex and you can’t seem to face it.
Instead of trolling on my posts, you should retrace it,
man. Get off Facebook, go to bed, yo here’s a blanket
statement, opinion, and a fact check from Snopes.
Acting like you’re educated on the matter, but nope.
See you jumping on a thread and steady watching you choke.
Post some politics, you tell me to get back on the boat.
Yo, I cringe knowing they allowed you to vote.
Demeanor grosser than the scum in between your toes.
He-man woman-hater, and your favorite word is “woke,”
selfie mirror flexing in the cloud of vape smoke.
Quoting Joe Rogan, posting how you’re #blessed,
the next day online talking trash about your ex
getting in your feelings ‘cause she denied your request.
Blahblahblah bro, bro, bro you’re a mess.

Well, actually! Not all of us act as you say.
Be exact! You’re sounding irrational. Facts are the way.
Ladies, thanks for sharing all your memoirs
and all your little femme scars that would’ve been far
likelier ignored if endured by men online.
Simply be us, you’ll have an easier time.
Or log off! Why are you here? I won’t follow you.
I get to be worse than any of you, if not all of you.


from Net Split or, the Fathomless Heartbreak of Online Itself, released March 8, 2019
Vocals: MCF, Starr Busby, Miss Eaves, Lex, E-Turn
Keyboards: Gm7
Drum programming: Baddd Spellah

Lyric by Damian Hess, Shanthony Exum, Alex Sun Liu, and Eliza Azar Javaheri
Music by Damian Hess, Gabriel Alter, and David T. Cheong


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